Feeling a bit unsure

I'm unsure of everything as of late. Especially with the ongoing battle I seem to face with my mother. I don't want to shit talk so I won't. I will only say how I feel since we all know there are two sides to every story. For years I've felt less then perfect in her eyes, for years I never did enough to be the "best" that she wanted me to be. Over the years I've questioned why it is nothing ever makes her happy. I got pregnant without being married, that's part of life, it seems to be a growing thing in America these unwed mothers that is. No biggie really. I've tried to keep my life straight and narrow, I think all things considered it could be alot worse. But nothing I do makes a damn bit of difference because I am always the "black sheep". While others in her life could do no wrong no matter what they do I breath wrong and I'm unworthy of her love. She lies to me on a daily about her feelings or she isn't aware of what they are in either case she's too "grown up" to be doing that. I mean damn come on now! I faced my path in life head on I made choices that put me where I am and I don't blame anyone for that or try to pass the buck off on others yet I'm still not good enough. I'm sure there are mothers out there that have worse children then me. Yet they still find the way to love those children unconditionally. My mother says she loves me but her actions speak way beyond what love should be. Being a mother myself of not only 2 of my own flesh and blood but one that isn't my own blood I could never imagine saying they are losers or treating them as though they are nothing. How is it she can be so cruel? How is it that no matter what my sister does...gives up her children, never works whatever it may be she cannot ever do enough wrong to get the same treatment from mom. Why do I get the burnt end of the stick? Is it really because I remind her of my father? Or is she just flat out sick and should have never had children? I don't understand and I am driving myself insane trying to figure it all out. Maybe its just time I let go? I'm so unsure of almost everything surrounding that situation.